what am I feeling..

I'm not really a person to be able to write down what I am thinking. I just skip around and it just makes it feel like I never put any thought into it. I have never been good at writing english papers and when I did write a decent one it took me a REALLY long time. I just don't know how to express in detail what I am trying to say. I am kind of tug a war with myself right now. I keep going back and forth about what to do with myself. 
I am a working Mom. I have to work right now. There is no getting over that. We have to have that income, especially now with how jake can't find a good job ( we are going on 4 new jobs in the last year) I want to have savings, I want to be completely out of debt, I don't like where we are financially. I have been trying to think of ways to earn extra money and that I can still do working full time, and being a full time mom. 
Jake's new job is better, he does make more $, and we don't pay as much day care, so that is really going to help. I guess I haven't seen the money yet, so I don't believe it is going to be there. I just feel lost right now. I want a quick fix and its not coming. 
there is also so many things going on with jobs that I am being looked at that would really make the money situation a lot better, there is an online job that I could do at night, and a different job that I applied for that would pay more, but I don't want to get my hopes up for anything because I have been let down so much this year I can't even begin to tell you. 
I really think that is my problem. I can't get excited over anything because not to much has gone as planned. 
I really want to stay home with my baby. I did get to stay home with him for 6 months and had a love hate relationship with it. I love going to work, and being part of something else, but I love staying home with Reed, I feel like staying home is harder sometimes. I have to have the motivation to do a thankless job. not my favorite
I like my job right now, they think that I am so smart and that I can pretty much do anything. :)
It nice to feel needed. 
but at the same time I want to have more kids, I don't want Reed and the next child to be to far apart, and it took me a year to get pregnant with Reed so I just don't know how to plan this out. If I don't get pregnant for another year they will be over 3 years apart. what to do. I do not know. I probably should just listen to the my own advise on the visiting teaching lesson I gave this month and have patience. And you have to have faith to have patience. I must be lacking in the faith department. 
I think I just need some sunshine. 
that always makes me feel better. swimming Saturday anyone?? noon?

P.S. Jake starts school on Tuesday! I can't wait to get him graduated! (its far away, but at least we are making progress) 

yeah for jobs!

Yes it is true Jake did get a job! I saw an advertisement on the LDS jobsite ( which by the way if you are looking for a job make sure you get an account on there, they had so many more jobs and different ones then any other job site) Back to the subject. I saw an job ad looking for someone to blow insulation in attics. This is high demand thing right now because they are doing all the rebates for it right now. So he called them Thursday they set up an interview for that evening, and offered him a job, and then he started work on Saturday! He only works 3-4 days a week and make decent money. They said it is for the summer for sure, but it could turn into something year round, but we will see. At least it buys us some time.
We feel so blessed to find a job so quickly. It has been a very stressful 2 weeks, I can't imagine the people that have been out of work for months. I am so grateful to have such supportive family and friends. I can't tell you how much your donations meant to us. That money really did keep us afloat these last to weeks. We couldn't have done it with out you guys!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
WE LOVE ALL OF YOU!

Pie

Since Jake is currently the stay at home dad he had been expanding his baking skills.

This is what I came home to today
HOMEMADE chicken pot pie! He even made the pie crusts from scratch!
It was so delicious! We love you Jake!

this is what makes being a mom worth it..

Donations.

Jake and I will be excepting donations if you feel so inclined.
Just click the donate button on the side ------------------------------------------------------------------>
Thank you come again!

:)

life isn't fair.

I have decided that I don't want to be an adult anymore. I don't want to pay bills, clean the house, do the laundry, worry about what my kids are going to go through. I don't want to do this anymore. I want some one to take care of me and let me be a kid again. That just sounds so much better.
Jake got laid off his job on Wednesday.  It was a huge surprise. They just decided to lay off the 3 newest guys are he was the one of the unlucky ones. It really hit me hard. I wasn't prepared. We have had a lot of unexpected expenses in the last month .. so we are broke I mean flat broke. We filed for unemployment. $194 a week. are they crazy. Who can survive on that!
As we have be jobless for 3 days. I have been having a break down at least once a day. I don't know what we are going to do. Its not like people are hiring a lot right now. We've only lived in our house for a year. Its not like a lot of houses are selling right now anyways. I'm actually not scared to lose our house. Its kinda the cool thing to do anyways right now. :) 
You can't buy anything for like 7 years, but since Jake is going to Pharmacy school its going to be that long anyways. So that I'm not really worried about. I'm worried about where we will go, and what we will do.
Honestly if it gets that bad I'm going to do the one thing I swore I never would do... we are going to move into my parents basement. I've never wanted to do this, but there are schools up there, babysitters, cheap/free rent. What else could we ask for. I love my family.
I'm sure I'm just over thinking everything, and things will get better. I am always a worst case scenario kinda girl. I'm going to write Obama to pay my bills for me. That might work out better than finding a job!